Business Poetry

In honor of National Poetry Month, here is an amusing poem from Evan Elpus, describing things that are all too familiar in the world of business...

Anthem of Frustration

You've rung the Melbourne offices of No-One's Ever Here;
Please leave your name and number and then kindly disappear,
For our laws' writ rules king and twit in east, west, south and nor'ward,
and fosters strife in modern life; Nothing Is Straightforward.

No doubt you know our other show, called Nothing Ever Fits,
Who, in their turn, as all soon learn, sell incomplete spares kits,
That lack the one important part to re-start car or tractor,
And at which stage, cause further rage, when we insert this factor;
-That all shall be discovered only once the shops have closed,
So nothing ever, ever, ends as cheaply as supposed.

An allied gang that makes a bang is Not At This Address,
Who trade as ' We've Moved Premises', but where and when's a guess;
For, though they've gone to Station Street, you're really none the wiser,
You think they're still in North Box Hill ? Try Station Street, Mount Isa!

This mob'll kill yer; sound familiar ? They're Out At A Meeting.
Elusive, they're conducive to a lot of overheating.
They won't come back till you've jacked up, and on your homeward trip;
-As you leave town, they get beamed down, in pairs, from Mother Ship.

And if, in Swanston Walk, a cork falls easily to hand,
Then use it! Please don't lose it, since here too, we're in command;
Our Never Any Dunnies group works hard on private fears,
So by the time you've read this, stuff is pouring out your ears.

And I'm caught short with this report, and better end it now.
As ' Out Of Order' manager, I maintain a sacred vow;
Ensuring what in theory works, but functions not in deed
Should always, always, always coincide with greatest need.

Copyright; Evan Elpus